I am currently going crazy. My father has been incessantly trying to talk to me since Christmas '09, yet he hasn't said anything worth my while. He's acting as if he just hasn't talked to me in a week and he's calling to catch up...*NEWS FLASH*-u haven't been around for 22 yrs homeboy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is being awful selfish. My theory is that he's going through a midlife crisis and is just NOW feeling bad for not being present in the lives of some of his children. The man has 7 kids(me being the oldest) with 4 different women for goodness' sake! I'm proud of my mom for being the only woman who was smart enough to not have more than 1 kid with him-yaaay mom! I can literally count on my fingers the times that he has interacted with me in my 22 yrs of existence...
1) me my dad and my next 2 siblings chronologically when i was 5 or 6
2)he came to my kindergarten graduation
3) he brought me a bday present in 1st grade (a doll that u could feed-it peed on him muah ha ha ha!)
4) he brought his entire side of the family to surprise me for my 2nd grade bday party
5) i spent a couple days with him and my next 2 siblings in Staten Is. one summer. too bad he was never actually around us, we were home alone or he dropped us off to this lady's house (he happens to be currently married to her btw)
5)high school graduation
6)high school graduation party
....yup, that's all i remember. Shameful on his part ain't it!
I mean yea, there were phone convos but they did not help our nonexistent relationship at all. Why the heck would you say to your child "I don't call you because you don't call me" ??? Really? Wow...
I have the kind of personality that allows me to easily adapt to situations presented to me, and 22 yrs was more than enough time for me to adapt to not having a father in my life. Honest to God I'm so glad that he wasn't present in my life. Not being daddy's little girl' or having a positive male role model in my life really toughened me up. If your own parent can go to sleep at night not knowing how their child is doing, why should I expect anybody else to care about me? Thanks to him I don't have lofty expectations of being cared about by others, I'm too much of a realist for that. Talk is cheap so people really do have to prove to me that they care. I try really hard not to put up a wall though, it's not fair to make others pay for his mistakes ya know. But when people do indeed wrong me, it's not a big deal because my father's abandonment already prepared me for it. I refuse to sit there in a bathrobe crying my eyes out in a pint of ice cream bc someone decided not to care about me. Quite frankly it's their loss. I know who I am and I know what I'm worth. Thus, I will not stand to be treated like crap. And I'm not going to be one of those weak minded people that waste time feeling bad because someone doesn't want to be in my life, I know dang well they're going on with their life without me so why shouldn't I do the same?
I stand by the theory that my dad is attempting to call me bc he feels like a douche for ignoring my existence, and he deserves to feel that way. I am a wonderful person. I have a big heart, I'm funny, I'm intelligent, I'm musical, I'm poetic, and most importantly I am a one of a kind child of God-He's the only father I need. As for my biological father-he's missed out on a lot that he can never get back or make up for. From my perspective, being a parent is a privilege and he gave up the privilege of knowing and being loved by me a long time ago. It was his choice and now he has to live with it. The Godly woman in me forgives him, but she sure will not forget...
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