here's hopin' for better in 2010!!
Time to reflect.
2009 was sucktastic...
Family-more likely to gossip about me than reach out and help me or keep in touch with me at the very least. Nothing new here EXCEPT the new situation with my father... I met him when I was 6 yrs old. I am his oldest of 8 children (that I know of), but I'm pretty sure I am the only one he chooses to ignore the existence of. I stopped trying to figure out why that is, and feeling bad about it a long time ago. Oh, and let's not forget there are 4 moms between his kids, my mom being the only one smart enough not to carry another one of his children-yaay mom! Anywho, I can't remember the last time I spoke to him, but guess who texted me this Christmas...yup, dear old dad. The text expressed his simple desire to wish me a merry Christmas, and that he would talk to me later. I didn't know what to say bck so I did not respond. I guess this story is to be continued...
Friends-our chosen family. The fact that we choose our friends just adds insult to injury when my friendships go awry. And it's just my luck that the friends I lose, are the ones I love the most, and truly think will be around for all of my days. 2009 was no exception. The loss of one friend in particular really stung...well, still stings as much as I hate to admit it. For someone who refused to lose my friendship, they sure had a funny way of fighting for it-not talking to me in any way, shape, or form for 7 months. He's a douche, and yet I still wonder how he is at times. Curse my cares...
School-1 class left. Won't be taken until money is available to pay off backpay and future tuition. And I'll have you know that this is the school's fault but they're playing dumb. Ain't higher education grand?!
All of these categories have been my sources of stress for the past 3 yrs. The result has been insomnia and its worsening, emotional eating, loneliness due to a lack of faith in humanity's ability to be kind to me, and overall unhappiness and longing for more than this. I'm ready for something new, something good, happiness.
2009 has been
i deserve to smile
if only once in awhile
in 2010.
here's hopin'...
