Christmas is upon us and I'm quite excited! Can't you tell by my new layout? I'm looking forward to decorating, baking cookies, giving presents, getting presents, watching Christmas movies, singing & dancing along to Christmas music etc. One thing I am not looking forward to is some serious cleaning-but that's what has to be done when everyone's coming over to your place for Christmas this year! And of course the one question everyone has regarding this holiday is "what's on your Christmas list?" Well, I normally use this time to just be thankful that God gave his only begotten son to die on the cross for me, for the areas of my life where he has shown me grace, and for having friends and family at all that enjoy spending time with me and even care to buy me presents. It really is the thought that counts. But this year, I know exactly what I want:
-Nintendi wii console so I can play:
-Just Dance 2
-Karaoke Revolution: Glee
-Michael Jackson: The Experience
Singing and dancing are my absolute favorite things so this is without a doubt what I want. The only thing I could want more than this is the Twilight Saga: Eclipse DVD but I won't have to wait for Christmas to get that because it comes out in only TWO DAYS-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!! Oh, and I always want clothes lol.
Besides the merriment of the holiday season, I'm merry about the chance to give back. Today will be my first day volunteering for Kids Read Inc. at a local community center. I'll be helping a bunch of 3rd-5th grades who aren't on grade level re: reading, writing, and/or math. I love kids so much and career wise I'd really like to work with troubled youth in some capacity. This volunteering opportunity will be a great way to get more experience working with kids and it'll just be a great way to be helpful ya know. I hope I do a great job. I worked with elem.-high school kids at a homework club in college and let me tell ya, being 23 does not = being smarter than elementary school kids. They are teaching kids very different methods than the methods that were taught to my generation. these kids already aren't on grade level so I can't confuse them further by teaching them my methods lol! I'm sure it'll be fine though...I'm excited :0)
*raises my glass of apple cider*
Here's to cherishing what we have, appreciating what we gain, and not letting that gain include too many pounds ;0) Now go forth & enjoy the most wonderful time of the year <3
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Ohhhhh Australia XD
So I should def be doing my Psych of Personality hw like a good insomniac, but I decided to catch up on my YouTube subscriptions instead; I'm just too comfy procrastinating lol. So while watching a vlog, I learned a few things about Australia that I found amusing & thought I'd share...
1) Got a hankering for kangaroo jerky?..well Aus is the place for you!
2) Bangs are called fringes
3) The toilets don't swirls when flushed, the water just gushes straight down. I'd say Aussies have a less exciting flushing experience lol
4) Last but not least, they have a ice cream bar called Golden Gaytime...
Ohhhhhh Australia, haha XD
1) Got a hankering for kangaroo jerky?..well Aus is the place for you!
2) Bangs are called fringes
3) The toilets don't swirls when flushed, the water just gushes straight down. I'd say Aussies have a less exciting flushing experience lol
4) Last but not least, they have a ice cream bar called Golden Gaytime...
Ohhhhhh Australia, haha XD
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Wireless Router=Evil!
I want to shank my Netgear wireless router. I realize that would not be wise but it would feel good in the moment lol. All I want is wireless internet-is that too much to ask? My Comcast modem works just fine but who wants to be forced to sit in one spot because they have to plug crap in? No one that's who. And Comcast is plug crazy because they charge $150 for the installation. Seriously, it should not cost that much to plug in a few wires and type some stuff in. I've set up a wireless router before in college and it only took a couple of mins, it was easy peasy. So naturally I was not going to have my mom pay that ridic installation fee and opted to do it myself.
I set up everything but when I go to connect to my wireless network it says I have excellent signal strength but no internet access...que??? I tried redoing it, Googling answers, and even resorted to Comcast customer service. Lil miss Kristine-if that's her real name, of course gave me the obvious solutions that any common sense person w/ reading skills would try. So now my last resort is calling Netgear customer service. If that doesn't work...Step1) I'll ave a conniption. Step 2) return router Step 3) get a linksys router which I setup & used w/ Comcast in college and works perfectly fine. But hopefully it won't come to that lol
I set up everything but when I go to connect to my wireless network it says I have excellent signal strength but no internet access...que??? I tried redoing it, Googling answers, and even resorted to Comcast customer service. Lil miss Kristine-if that's her real name, of course gave me the obvious solutions that any common sense person w/ reading skills would try. So now my last resort is calling Netgear customer service. If that doesn't work...Step1) I'll ave a conniption. Step 2) return router Step 3) get a linksys router which I setup & used w/ Comcast in college and works perfectly fine. But hopefully it won't come to that lol
Monday, August 2, 2010
A Mixed Bag of Fun & Disappointment
Tonight I went to a game night with a bunch of my new friends from my new church. It was AWESOME! I'm an only child so I'm quite deprived when it comes to game experience but I was quite proud of my performance. We played Mad Gab & Encore-neither of which I have previous experience playing & I am happy to say that I dominated Mad Gab!!! That's def a new fave game of mine :0)
After game night, most of us went to the 7-11 down the street for some snackage and parking lot loitering. During that time I said something to a friend of mine. This friend legit took offense to what I said. I was quite shocked because I'm pretty sure if anyone else I know had heard what I said, they would've thought it was funny-as it was intended to be. This friend wasn't personally offended, they're just an uptight Christian and ths felt it was inappropriate. I promise you my statement was no such thing. I'm still shocked that my friend reacted that way! It just really disappointed me to have my friend react that way to such a harmless and funny statement. There's a big diff between where humans draw the line & where Jesus draws the line & I seriously doubt Jesus would've dislike what I said...seriously! I highly dislike discovering uptight Christians, especially if it's someone I considered myself close to. In truth, I've been noticing their uptight nature over time and tonight was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Now I don't feel like I can be myself around my friend. Of course Jesus' judgement is the only one that matters but it still makes for a highly uncomfy situation to be on edge about everything you do or say around someone to avoid tripping their alarm of uptightness. Ah well, I'm just going to have to withhold my true self from my friend and pray that I find Christian friends that don't nitpick...
After game night, most of us went to the 7-11 down the street for some snackage and parking lot loitering. During that time I said something to a friend of mine. This friend legit took offense to what I said. I was quite shocked because I'm pretty sure if anyone else I know had heard what I said, they would've thought it was funny-as it was intended to be. This friend wasn't personally offended, they're just an uptight Christian and ths felt it was inappropriate. I promise you my statement was no such thing. I'm still shocked that my friend reacted that way! It just really disappointed me to have my friend react that way to such a harmless and funny statement. There's a big diff between where humans draw the line & where Jesus draws the line & I seriously doubt Jesus would've dislike what I said...seriously! I highly dislike discovering uptight Christians, especially if it's someone I considered myself close to. In truth, I've been noticing their uptight nature over time and tonight was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Now I don't feel like I can be myself around my friend. Of course Jesus' judgement is the only one that matters but it still makes for a highly uncomfy situation to be on edge about everything you do or say around someone to avoid tripping their alarm of uptightness. Ah well, I'm just going to have to withhold my true self from my friend and pray that I find Christian friends that don't nitpick...
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Yet Another Amazing Church Service
I'm really glad I started going to Covenant Life Church. Seriously, I never use to be excited about going to church or reading the bible, but this church truly makes me happy. I use to think people were lying when they'd put the bible down as one of their favorite books on Facebook, but now I'm one of those people lol!
Covenant Life rotates speakers every week. I like that, it keeps it fresh and interesting to see different pastoring(this prob isn't a word but I'll go with it tee hee) styles. Today's speaker was Josh Harris-my fave speaker thus far. I really needed to hear the message he shared today. But before I share that message with you I want to let you know that Josh's mom has stage 4 cancer in her liver and is in hospice care. He is so strong in his faith and so selfless for taking time out of his grieving to share a message with us and enrich our faith. He is amazing.
OK so today Josh's message was entitled " A Word to Wives" . Don't worry, singles and those dating and even men got something out of this message but he'll focus on the guys next Sun. I had always that thought that 1 Peter 3:1-6 was very offensive to the modern woman, but that's because no one had ever broken it down for me the way Josh did.
SUBMISSION:
-Don't think of submission as weakness or inferiority. We submit to institutions of authority i.e. the law because it would be total chaos if we didn't and because God wants us to; he wants us to have stability in our lives. Can you imagine living in a place where there were no rules and everyone just did as they pleased-it may sound glorious at first but things would go south real quick!
-Submitting to your husband is more about curbing the impulse to fight fire with fire-all that does is create more fire and then...everybody burns-no bueno lol! In any relationship, there are going to be arguments, but someone's gotta give. The bible is suggesting that we as women take the high road and stay humble and pure of heart during those times. Your significant other may not always make the right decisions but putting them down and constantly reminding them of their wrongs doesn't help the situation, encourage them instead.
*(1 Peter 2:11)The impulse to fight fire with fire is an evil one. It's the behavior exhibited by those who have their hope in this world instead of in heaven. Fighting to gain power in this world is unnecessary. This is not our home, we're just passing through, and that power will not go with you...
ADORNMENT:
This passage is not saying to never wear clothes, braid your hair, or wear gold jewelry-if that were the case, we'd all be in trouble lol. It's simply saying not to put your hope in beauty, it shouldn't be your primary concern. Today, women use beauty as a weapon to gain power over men, a higher status(esp. in the entertainment industry), or as a means of getting who or what they want. Instead of doing all this, we should focus on our inner beauty. I know, I know, it's a cliche but one that makes a heck of a lot of sense. Ya see, inner beauty is the only kind that is imperishable, and it's precious to God. Why wouldn't you want to cultivate something within yourself that's precious to God?!?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Josh's message was one that I really needed to hear.
a)I was one of those women that was always offended by this scripture because I didn't really understand it, now I do.
b)I can be very feisty and argumentative. It was good to be reminded that that kind of behavior doesn't always get you where you want to be and isn't very becoming.
c)Not to sound cocky but I've always thought of myself as someone who has inner beauty and doesn't really need to work on that. Doesn't hurt that people's comments have always validated that ("Christina you're so strong, funny, smart, easy to talk to, I admire your faith etc"). For a really long time I've focused on trying to attain outward beauty. I've heard one too many comments that told me I didn't have it ("You're eating again..you're fat enough as it is" or "I'm glad I'm not the only chunky one in the family"). Having friends and family members that fir our society's beauty stereotypes also doesn't help but what can one do-hit their friends and family with an ugly stick?!? AND being Christian means that you know a butload of people who are currently dating, engaged, married, or married with kids. I honestly think settling down is more rampant in among Christians. Yet here I am, 22 having never been liked, let alone been in a relationship. But hearing this message reminded me that I don't want a guy that's only interested me in my looks anyways. If I gained weight or God forbid, had a accident that disfigured me, that guy would leave me in a NY minute! I don't want or deserve that. And focusing on beauty could decrease my focus on God i.e. I could choose to work out to lose weight instead of going to church or having quiet time(reading the bible/prayer & reflection). If God wants for me to be married, it'll happen. Until then, nothing should be more important to me than growing in my faith as a Godly woman.
I hope you got something out of this wonderful message. Happy 4th of July! Until next time...
Covenant Life rotates speakers every week. I like that, it keeps it fresh and interesting to see different pastoring(this prob isn't a word but I'll go with it tee hee) styles. Today's speaker was Josh Harris-my fave speaker thus far. I really needed to hear the message he shared today. But before I share that message with you I want to let you know that Josh's mom has stage 4 cancer in her liver and is in hospice care. He is so strong in his faith and so selfless for taking time out of his grieving to share a message with us and enrich our faith. He is amazing.
OK so today Josh's message was entitled " A Word to Wives" . Don't worry, singles and those dating and even men got something out of this message but he'll focus on the guys next Sun. I had always that thought that 1 Peter 3:1-6 was very offensive to the modern woman, but that's because no one had ever broken it down for me the way Josh did.
SUBMISSION:
-Don't think of submission as weakness or inferiority. We submit to institutions of authority i.e. the law because it would be total chaos if we didn't and because God wants us to; he wants us to have stability in our lives. Can you imagine living in a place where there were no rules and everyone just did as they pleased-it may sound glorious at first but things would go south real quick!
-Submitting to your husband is more about curbing the impulse to fight fire with fire-all that does is create more fire and then...everybody burns-no bueno lol! In any relationship, there are going to be arguments, but someone's gotta give. The bible is suggesting that we as women take the high road and stay humble and pure of heart during those times. Your significant other may not always make the right decisions but putting them down and constantly reminding them of their wrongs doesn't help the situation, encourage them instead.
*(1 Peter 2:11)The impulse to fight fire with fire is an evil one. It's the behavior exhibited by those who have their hope in this world instead of in heaven. Fighting to gain power in this world is unnecessary. This is not our home, we're just passing through, and that power will not go with you...
ADORNMENT:
This passage is not saying to never wear clothes, braid your hair, or wear gold jewelry-if that were the case, we'd all be in trouble lol. It's simply saying not to put your hope in beauty, it shouldn't be your primary concern. Today, women use beauty as a weapon to gain power over men, a higher status(esp. in the entertainment industry), or as a means of getting who or what they want. Instead of doing all this, we should focus on our inner beauty. I know, I know, it's a cliche but one that makes a heck of a lot of sense. Ya see, inner beauty is the only kind that is imperishable, and it's precious to God. Why wouldn't you want to cultivate something within yourself that's precious to God?!?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Josh's message was one that I really needed to hear.
a)I was one of those women that was always offended by this scripture because I didn't really understand it, now I do.
b)I can be very feisty and argumentative. It was good to be reminded that that kind of behavior doesn't always get you where you want to be and isn't very becoming.
c)Not to sound cocky but I've always thought of myself as someone who has inner beauty and doesn't really need to work on that. Doesn't hurt that people's comments have always validated that ("Christina you're so strong, funny, smart, easy to talk to, I admire your faith etc"). For a really long time I've focused on trying to attain outward beauty. I've heard one too many comments that told me I didn't have it ("You're eating again..you're fat enough as it is" or "I'm glad I'm not the only chunky one in the family"). Having friends and family members that fir our society's beauty stereotypes also doesn't help but what can one do-hit their friends and family with an ugly stick?!? AND being Christian means that you know a butload of people who are currently dating, engaged, married, or married with kids. I honestly think settling down is more rampant in among Christians. Yet here I am, 22 having never been liked, let alone been in a relationship. But hearing this message reminded me that I don't want a guy that's only interested me in my looks anyways. If I gained weight or God forbid, had a accident that disfigured me, that guy would leave me in a NY minute! I don't want or deserve that. And focusing on beauty could decrease my focus on God i.e. I could choose to work out to lose weight instead of going to church or having quiet time(reading the bible/prayer & reflection). If God wants for me to be married, it'll happen. Until then, nothing should be more important to me than growing in my faith as a Godly woman.
I hope you got something out of this wonderful message. Happy 4th of July! Until next time...
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
I've been all over the place!
I have been meaning to update this blog for awhile now but I suddenly acquired a life! Here's a quick rundown of what I've been up to...
-Dad still trying to talk to me-I'm still happily ignoring him
-Went to Rhode Island for a few days for my cousin's baby shower-it was more like a wedding reception with the amount of guests, presents, the food, DJ, & bartender she had! And I met some pretty gr8 ppl during my visit to RIU to move my cousin into the dorms for the summer(she's a summer counselor there). she has some pretty hott co-workers who are caring as well-who knew that was possible these days?!?!
-Been going to my friend Beth's church for the past month & I've loved every bit f it. It's so nice to feel part of a church family and get to know new ppl-oh how I LOVE meeting new ppl!!! Aside from seeing Beth & my new church friends on Sundays, we've done a yard sale together to raise college $ for our friend Esther. We surprised her with the money last night @ the single's ministry BBQ and she started crying-surprise accomplished! And the BBQ was so much fun. It was gr8 meeting new ppl and getting closer to the ones I'd already met. I hate to get excited about things bc I'm so accustomed to being let down, but I have a good feeling about that Covenant Life Church. I really love it there so far :0)
-Went to the midnight showing of Eclipse!!!!!!!!!!!! It was well worth my months of anticipation and $, and I can't wait until it comes out on DVD! I'm already ready to watch it again lol. And it was gr8 seeing my friends from college again.
Yup, those are the main things I've been up to thus far this summer and it's been time consuming but quite fun. Next up, my uncle's wedding in Philly July 10th!
Until next time... <3
-Dad still trying to talk to me-I'm still happily ignoring him
-Went to Rhode Island for a few days for my cousin's baby shower-it was more like a wedding reception with the amount of guests, presents, the food, DJ, & bartender she had! And I met some pretty gr8 ppl during my visit to RIU to move my cousin into the dorms for the summer(she's a summer counselor there). she has some pretty hott co-workers who are caring as well-who knew that was possible these days?!?!
-Been going to my friend Beth's church for the past month & I've loved every bit f it. It's so nice to feel part of a church family and get to know new ppl-oh how I LOVE meeting new ppl!!! Aside from seeing Beth & my new church friends on Sundays, we've done a yard sale together to raise college $ for our friend Esther. We surprised her with the money last night @ the single's ministry BBQ and she started crying-surprise accomplished! And the BBQ was so much fun. It was gr8 meeting new ppl and getting closer to the ones I'd already met. I hate to get excited about things bc I'm so accustomed to being let down, but I have a good feeling about that Covenant Life Church. I really love it there so far :0)
-Went to the midnight showing of Eclipse!!!!!!!!!!!! It was well worth my months of anticipation and $, and I can't wait until it comes out on DVD! I'm already ready to watch it again lol. And it was gr8 seeing my friends from college again.
Yup, those are the main things I've been up to thus far this summer and it's been time consuming but quite fun. Next up, my uncle's wedding in Philly July 10th!
Until next time... <3
Sunday, May 30, 2010
A good day to a great night..& future!
Today was a good day. It started out like most others, beautiful sunlight streaming in. Spent some quiet time with Jesus and then I went with my mom to get the oil changed in her car. The shop is connected to our mall so we perused to pass time. This resulted in me getting a new headband, shirt, & tote bag-schweet new purchases that I looooove :-) Then I came home and played dress up with m new shirt and took about 20 pics in it-hey, I was having a rare cute moment ok? lol. Then my mom and I had din din together and then watched 'The Proposal'. It was my 2nd time watching it, her 1st. We have a lot going on, and it was great to spend the day with her & make her laugh before heading back to work and dealing with reality again tomorrow.
When my mom retired for the evening, I decided to go to my room and do a little channel flipping on the tele (that' pronounced 'telly' for those of you who didn't catch my attempt at a British accent). I decided to watch the latest sermon by Pastor Joel Osteen-best 30 mins of television I've ever watched! His sermon really lit a fire under my butt, put pep in my step, inspired me etc. It was sermon #427 "Being Excellent in the Workplace", a title I highly disagree with because it covered so much more than that. I jotted down parts of the sermon that really spoke to me:
.Colossians 3:23 -Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.
.Being excellent = doing the right thing even when no one is looking
.Don't take the easy way out; sooner or later your sins will catch up to you. Make the decision to be excellent.
.Everyone of us can be excellent at something
.Your performance gives you a platform
-develop your character & skill in such a way that will earn you the respect of others
-whatever you do,get better at it, always look to improve your skill level
-be proactive about your growth/sharpening your skills & God will open doors for you
.Matthew 5:41 If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.
-do more than expected-go the extra mile!
I had been praying a lot lately for motivation and God answered my prayers in the form of this sermon! Everyone tells me that I'm so optimistic and cheerful, but I am only like that with others. I have a very hard time being optimistic and cheerful towards myself and my own issues. And thus, I have a very hard time being motivated to reach a state of happiness. It doesn't help that I'm always the one doing the caring and not being cared about. Even the strong need help and encouragement sometimes. But this sermon, it truly made me feel motivated for once! It made me want to try my hardest in every aspect in my life, and to do so with enthusiasm. Why? Because I work for God not for men, and living this way will bring Him glory. As Joel Osteen said, people may never read the bible but they will read you. I want my book to read as one that makes God smile, gains respect, and reflects the fruits of the spirit ( love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control-Galatians 5:22-23) ...my spirit. I am really looking forward to seeing how I can continuously apply what I've learned to the various aspects of my life. Hope everyone had a wonderful memorial day weekend. Until next time...<3
When my mom retired for the evening, I decided to go to my room and do a little channel flipping on the tele (that' pronounced 'telly' for those of you who didn't catch my attempt at a British accent). I decided to watch the latest sermon by Pastor Joel Osteen-best 30 mins of television I've ever watched! His sermon really lit a fire under my butt, put pep in my step, inspired me etc. It was sermon #427 "Being Excellent in the Workplace", a title I highly disagree with because it covered so much more than that. I jotted down parts of the sermon that really spoke to me:
.Colossians 3:23 -Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.
.Being excellent = doing the right thing even when no one is looking
.Don't take the easy way out; sooner or later your sins will catch up to you. Make the decision to be excellent.
.Everyone of us can be excellent at something
.Your performance gives you a platform
-develop your character & skill in such a way that will earn you the respect of others
-whatever you do,get better at it, always look to improve your skill level
-be proactive about your growth/sharpening your skills & God will open doors for you
.Matthew 5:41 If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.
-do more than expected-go the extra mile!
I had been praying a lot lately for motivation and God answered my prayers in the form of this sermon! Everyone tells me that I'm so optimistic and cheerful, but I am only like that with others. I have a very hard time being optimistic and cheerful towards myself and my own issues. And thus, I have a very hard time being motivated to reach a state of happiness. It doesn't help that I'm always the one doing the caring and not being cared about. Even the strong need help and encouragement sometimes. But this sermon, it truly made me feel motivated for once! It made me want to try my hardest in every aspect in my life, and to do so with enthusiasm. Why? Because I work for God not for men, and living this way will bring Him glory. As Joel Osteen said, people may never read the bible but they will read you. I want my book to read as one that makes God smile, gains respect, and reflects the fruits of the spirit ( love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control-Galatians 5:22-23) ...my spirit. I am really looking forward to seeing how I can continuously apply what I've learned to the various aspects of my life. Hope everyone had a wonderful memorial day weekend. Until next time...<3
Monday, May 17, 2010
Emotionally Taxed
For the last couple of days I've been crying, for seemingly no reason at all. Sounds crazy doesn't it? I guess I've been crying at random times for a multitude of reasons, the main one being that I'm tired...
I'm tired of dealing with my father. He has never been there for me and I have become accustomed to that. I wish he would stop his current ludicrous attempt to form a relationship with me. He had the nerve to try to appeal to my being Christian and coaxing me to forgive and forget. Ha! Sure, the bible says to forgive but it doesn't say a damn thing about forgetting. I may forgive him in due time but forget-I can't and I won't. In all actuality, he hasn't even given me anything to forgive! He hasn't sown one bit of remorse for not being there, no apology, nothing. Sow hat am I supposed to forgive??? He also tried to tell me that it's God's timing that we reconcile. Well, if that were true then I would currently be open to reconciling with him-which clearly I am not. People have a habit of claiming their own agenda and timing as God's-he is one of those people. He also had the nerve to tell me that I'm not the only kid he has that is estranged-oh yea, that makes me feel sooo much better. What a douche. I heavily resent that he's blaming our estrangement on me. Me not wanting to reconcile with him at he age of 22 is his fault. I did not choose to grow up without him. He chose to ignore my existence. Now he must suffer the consequences.
I'm tired of feeling left behind. Those who know me very well know that there are circumstances beyond my control that have stopped me from leading a normal life. I haven't been afforded the rites of passage over the years that my peers have. I want to be able to live up to my full potential for once. I may be able to do that soon but my defense mechanism of not getting my hopes up only to be crushed, is kicking in. It doesn't help that a core group of my friends are graduating college in a few days and moving onto real life. They're just another set of people that will most likely go on to be happy and successful and leave me behind. That's what my life has amounted to, getting close to wonderful ppl only to have them move on without me. I'm use to it but it doesn't get any easier. I'm happy for my friends but I don't want to lose them. I know our separation may not be intentional but it sure seems inevitable. When graduation happens in a few days, everyone will move back to their respective home towns, go to grad school or take a break and travel or begin working. And along the way they will make new friends, friends that will be close to them in proximity, and thus become the friends and eventually family that they choose to spend their time with. I understand that I could be jumping the gun because I might in fact keep these friends. But if you had the life that I have, you would opt to think pessimistically about this as well. I understand this evolution of relationships in life but I don't have to like it...and trust me, I don't.
I guess I've also been crying out of fear. I've always been stopped from doing from numerous things because of circumstances beyond my control. But if these circumstances clear up, I will no longer have an excuse to keep living the unfulfilling, mediocre life I've become accustomed to. If I fail at life once I truly start to live it, I alone will be culpable. It's quite a scary thought but I won't have a chance to succeed either if I don't realize that I'm capable and worth success, and try my hardest to achieve it. An Ingrid Michaelson song lyric comes to mind regarding this sitch "I want to change the world, instead, I sleep". I get so overwhelmed when I think of all the things I want to do and the person I want to be and sometimes I literally shut down and cry or sleep. I've got to stop doing that and face my future head on. I've go to push through the current fatigue that is my life. It will be hard to do, especially since I feel virtually alone, but I have to dry my eyes and try...
I'm tired of dealing with my father. He has never been there for me and I have become accustomed to that. I wish he would stop his current ludicrous attempt to form a relationship with me. He had the nerve to try to appeal to my being Christian and coaxing me to forgive and forget. Ha! Sure, the bible says to forgive but it doesn't say a damn thing about forgetting. I may forgive him in due time but forget-I can't and I won't. In all actuality, he hasn't even given me anything to forgive! He hasn't sown one bit of remorse for not being there, no apology, nothing. Sow hat am I supposed to forgive??? He also tried to tell me that it's God's timing that we reconcile. Well, if that were true then I would currently be open to reconciling with him-which clearly I am not. People have a habit of claiming their own agenda and timing as God's-he is one of those people. He also had the nerve to tell me that I'm not the only kid he has that is estranged-oh yea, that makes me feel sooo much better. What a douche. I heavily resent that he's blaming our estrangement on me. Me not wanting to reconcile with him at he age of 22 is his fault. I did not choose to grow up without him. He chose to ignore my existence. Now he must suffer the consequences.
I'm tired of feeling left behind. Those who know me very well know that there are circumstances beyond my control that have stopped me from leading a normal life. I haven't been afforded the rites of passage over the years that my peers have. I want to be able to live up to my full potential for once. I may be able to do that soon but my defense mechanism of not getting my hopes up only to be crushed, is kicking in. It doesn't help that a core group of my friends are graduating college in a few days and moving onto real life. They're just another set of people that will most likely go on to be happy and successful and leave me behind. That's what my life has amounted to, getting close to wonderful ppl only to have them move on without me. I'm use to it but it doesn't get any easier. I'm happy for my friends but I don't want to lose them. I know our separation may not be intentional but it sure seems inevitable. When graduation happens in a few days, everyone will move back to their respective home towns, go to grad school or take a break and travel or begin working. And along the way they will make new friends, friends that will be close to them in proximity, and thus become the friends and eventually family that they choose to spend their time with. I understand that I could be jumping the gun because I might in fact keep these friends. But if you had the life that I have, you would opt to think pessimistically about this as well. I understand this evolution of relationships in life but I don't have to like it...and trust me, I don't.
I guess I've also been crying out of fear. I've always been stopped from doing from numerous things because of circumstances beyond my control. But if these circumstances clear up, I will no longer have an excuse to keep living the unfulfilling, mediocre life I've become accustomed to. If I fail at life once I truly start to live it, I alone will be culpable. It's quite a scary thought but I won't have a chance to succeed either if I don't realize that I'm capable and worth success, and try my hardest to achieve it. An Ingrid Michaelson song lyric comes to mind regarding this sitch "I want to change the world, instead, I sleep". I get so overwhelmed when I think of all the things I want to do and the person I want to be and sometimes I literally shut down and cry or sleep. I've got to stop doing that and face my future head on. I've go to push through the current fatigue that is my life. It will be hard to do, especially since I feel virtually alone, but I have to dry my eyes and try...
Monday, May 10, 2010
Touched by the death of a stranger
Facebook. If you have an account, you know that the news feed does not run on a need to know basis. My news feed showed me that my friend Joel was now friends with 4 new people; one of their profile pics immediately caught my eye-it was a pic of a gorgeous guy of course. Naturally, the nosy posy/creeper in me came out to play and I clicked on the profile pic. I quickly became confused because the pic did not match the name-a gorgeous guy named Abbey? I mean, I guess it could happen, there are guys named Leslie, Terry, etc. right? Sadly, this was not the case of a guy with a traditionally female name. Abbey had changed her profile pic to one of her late friend Jordan Logan-the gorgeous guy.
Upon realizing this my heart sank. I dug a little deeper to find out just who this world had now lost and the information I found literally made me weep. He was 22- the same age as me. It really made me stop and think ya know. Why did another wonderful person have to leave this world so soon? And right before Mother's Day! It brings me back to freshman year of college when my friend Justin Fisher passed away a few days before Mother's Day as well. Burying your child is horrific enough without having to do so near that holiday! Learning more about Jordan really motivates me to try to truly live, because you really never know when that option will no longer exist. I'm glad he toughed so many people before his passing, it would have been lovely to know him. His family and loved ones are definitely in my prayers <3
See for yourself what a great person the world lost:
1) http://www.kypost.com/content/wcposhared/story/Family-Speaks-After-Death-Of-Young-Ludlow-Teacher/twfofkVUsEia9NVLCkjnLw.cspx
2) http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2204341577&ref=ts#!/profile.php?id=179900232&ref=ts
Friday, May 7, 2010
My father-22 yrs later he decides to care!
I am currently going crazy. My father has been incessantly trying to talk to me since Christmas '09, yet he hasn't said anything worth my while. He's acting as if he just hasn't talked to me in a week and he's calling to catch up...*NEWS FLASH*-u haven't been around for 22 yrs homeboy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is being awful selfish. My theory is that he's going through a midlife crisis and is just NOW feeling bad for not being present in the lives of some of his children. The man has 7 kids(me being the oldest) with 4 different women for goodness' sake! I'm proud of my mom for being the only woman who was smart enough to not have more than 1 kid with him-yaaay mom! I can literally count on my fingers the times that he has interacted with me in my 22 yrs of existence...
1) me my dad and my next 2 siblings chronologically when i was 5 or 6
2)he came to my kindergarten graduation
3) he brought me a bday present in 1st grade (a doll that u could feed-it peed on him muah ha ha ha!)
4) he brought his entire side of the family to surprise me for my 2nd grade bday party
5) i spent a couple days with him and my next 2 siblings in Staten Is. one summer. too bad he was never actually around us, we were home alone or he dropped us off to this lady's house (he happens to be currently married to her btw)
5)high school graduation
6)high school graduation party
....yup, that's all i remember. Shameful on his part ain't it!
I mean yea, there were phone convos but they did not help our nonexistent relationship at all. Why the heck would you say to your child "I don't call you because you don't call me" ??? Really? Wow...
I have the kind of personality that allows me to easily adapt to situations presented to me, and 22 yrs was more than enough time for me to adapt to not having a father in my life. Honest to God I'm so glad that he wasn't present in my life. Not being daddy's little girl' or having a positive male role model in my life really toughened me up. If your own parent can go to sleep at night not knowing how their child is doing, why should I expect anybody else to care about me? Thanks to him I don't have lofty expectations of being cared about by others, I'm too much of a realist for that. Talk is cheap so people really do have to prove to me that they care. I try really hard not to put up a wall though, it's not fair to make others pay for his mistakes ya know. But when people do indeed wrong me, it's not a big deal because my father's abandonment already prepared me for it. I refuse to sit there in a bathrobe crying my eyes out in a pint of ice cream bc someone decided not to care about me. Quite frankly it's their loss. I know who I am and I know what I'm worth. Thus, I will not stand to be treated like crap. And I'm not going to be one of those weak minded people that waste time feeling bad because someone doesn't want to be in my life, I know dang well they're going on with their life without me so why shouldn't I do the same?
I stand by the theory that my dad is attempting to call me bc he feels like a douche for ignoring my existence, and he deserves to feel that way. I am a wonderful person. I have a big heart, I'm funny, I'm intelligent, I'm musical, I'm poetic, and most importantly I am a one of a kind child of God-He's the only father I need. As for my biological father-he's missed out on a lot that he can never get back or make up for. From my perspective, being a parent is a privilege and he gave up the privilege of knowing and being loved by me a long time ago. It was his choice and now he has to live with it. The Godly woman in me forgives him, but she sure will not forget...
He is being awful selfish. My theory is that he's going through a midlife crisis and is just NOW feeling bad for not being present in the lives of some of his children. The man has 7 kids(me being the oldest) with 4 different women for goodness' sake! I'm proud of my mom for being the only woman who was smart enough to not have more than 1 kid with him-yaaay mom! I can literally count on my fingers the times that he has interacted with me in my 22 yrs of existence...
1) me my dad and my next 2 siblings chronologically when i was 5 or 6
2)he came to my kindergarten graduation
3) he brought me a bday present in 1st grade (a doll that u could feed-it peed on him muah ha ha ha!)
4) he brought his entire side of the family to surprise me for my 2nd grade bday party
5) i spent a couple days with him and my next 2 siblings in Staten Is. one summer. too bad he was never actually around us, we were home alone or he dropped us off to this lady's house (he happens to be currently married to her btw)
5)high school graduation
6)high school graduation party
....yup, that's all i remember. Shameful on his part ain't it!
I mean yea, there were phone convos but they did not help our nonexistent relationship at all. Why the heck would you say to your child "I don't call you because you don't call me" ??? Really? Wow...
I have the kind of personality that allows me to easily adapt to situations presented to me, and 22 yrs was more than enough time for me to adapt to not having a father in my life. Honest to God I'm so glad that he wasn't present in my life. Not being daddy's little girl' or having a positive male role model in my life really toughened me up. If your own parent can go to sleep at night not knowing how their child is doing, why should I expect anybody else to care about me? Thanks to him I don't have lofty expectations of being cared about by others, I'm too much of a realist for that. Talk is cheap so people really do have to prove to me that they care. I try really hard not to put up a wall though, it's not fair to make others pay for his mistakes ya know. But when people do indeed wrong me, it's not a big deal because my father's abandonment already prepared me for it. I refuse to sit there in a bathrobe crying my eyes out in a pint of ice cream bc someone decided not to care about me. Quite frankly it's their loss. I know who I am and I know what I'm worth. Thus, I will not stand to be treated like crap. And I'm not going to be one of those weak minded people that waste time feeling bad because someone doesn't want to be in my life, I know dang well they're going on with their life without me so why shouldn't I do the same?
I stand by the theory that my dad is attempting to call me bc he feels like a douche for ignoring my existence, and he deserves to feel that way. I am a wonderful person. I have a big heart, I'm funny, I'm intelligent, I'm musical, I'm poetic, and most importantly I am a one of a kind child of God-He's the only father I need. As for my biological father-he's missed out on a lot that he can never get back or make up for. From my perspective, being a parent is a privilege and he gave up the privilege of knowing and being loved by me a long time ago. It was his choice and now he has to live with it. The Godly woman in me forgives him, but she sure will not forget...
Monday, May 3, 2010
The 2H Experience
2H is the headquarter of my core group of friends since college. I lived their with one of my besties Colbi my sophomore year, and 3 years later it became the home of so many more besties...and their friends...and their boyfriends lol. Now, most of the 2H inhabitants are weeks away from graduation so I thought it was only fitting to chronicle our time together. Hmmm, where to begin about the 2H experience. Well, I can tell you that there's never really a dull moment. Even when it's uneventful, it's fun! That's how you know you're truly comfortable with someone-when you can collectively sit there with your laptops and do work...or get on Facebook ;-) There have been so many good times there: movie nights, baking, family din dins, game nights, shots!,venting sessions, cuddling sessions on the day bed, group hw time, doing each others' hair and makeup, the masquerade party, my surprise 22nd bday party, Rachel's surprise 21st sleepover (where we were surprised by 5 random guys lol), shopping, Criminal Minds marathons...the list goes on! I'll even miss the complaints about ppl not doing their dishes, or their chores in general lol. Oh and let's not forget the epic decorations like the Harry Potter and Twilight Saga posters, window drawings, picture tree, and let's not forget the rules! Ah yes, the rules...a late night/early morning concoction. Here are a few of my faves:
Rule #537: Do not take your pants off unless told to do so or if its Tuesday at 2pm.
Rule #12: When making animal noises, please impersonate the rest of the animal too.
Rule #86: If you choose to scare another apartment member, do so as creepily as possible.
Rule # 823 3/4: Do not walk outside barefoot, you will get an STD. That means you!
Rule # 813: If you say the word jizz you must then repeat it again by yelling it out the window.
Rule #673: If you see a member of the apartment on campus you MUST snap and dance like you are in West Side Story.
Rule #1: If you're going to be mean, share with the class.
Rule 371: We like musicals so once in a while just bust into song and dance.
I mean seriously, no other group of people could create such awesomeness!
On a more serious note, I use to cry as I prayed to have a legitimately good group of friends. I can honestly say that my prayers were answered when I met the 2H gang. I thank them so much for loving me, I really do. It saddens me that this experience is coming to an end but I wish them all the best in their future endeavors and can't wait to see the wonderful lives we all create for ourselves. I know that life can, and probably will take us to so many different ends of the world, but I know in my heart that some of the people in this group will be in my life forever. I can't wait to grow old with them. So to Kristen, Rachel, Miriam, David, Jessalyn, Kevin, Brian, Jess Drap, Laura, Bryan, Julie, Anca, Catherine, Sharon, Ben, Becky, Paul, Danny,CC, and anyone I may have missed-I feel truly blessed to have shared so many wonderful times with you and I thank you for loving me <3 <3 <3
Rule #537: Do not take your pants off unless told to do so or if its Tuesday at 2pm.
Rule #12: When making animal noises, please impersonate the rest of the animal too.
Rule #86: If you choose to scare another apartment member, do so as creepily as possible.
Rule # 823 3/4: Do not walk outside barefoot, you will get an STD. That means you!
Rule # 813: If you say the word jizz you must then repeat it again by yelling it out the window.
Rule #673: If you see a member of the apartment on campus you MUST snap and dance like you are in West Side Story.
Rule #1: If you're going to be mean, share with the class.
Rule 371: We like musicals so once in a while just bust into song and dance.
I mean seriously, no other group of people could create such awesomeness!
On a more serious note, I use to cry as I prayed to have a legitimately good group of friends. I can honestly say that my prayers were answered when I met the 2H gang. I thank them so much for loving me, I really do. It saddens me that this experience is coming to an end but I wish them all the best in their future endeavors and can't wait to see the wonderful lives we all create for ourselves. I know that life can, and probably will take us to so many different ends of the world, but I know in my heart that some of the people in this group will be in my life forever. I can't wait to grow old with them. So to Kristen, Rachel, Miriam, David, Jessalyn, Kevin, Brian, Jess Drap, Laura, Bryan, Julie, Anca, Catherine, Sharon, Ben, Becky, Paul, Danny,CC, and anyone I may have missed-I feel truly blessed to have shared so many wonderful times with you and I thank you for loving me <3 <3 <3
Sunday, April 18, 2010
So happy I could frolic!
Yes, t'is true, I'm so happy I could frolic! Why? Heck if I know! I suppose I'm just high on life! As if one really needs a reason to be happy lol. But if I were to try and pinpoint the source(s) of my happy-go-lucky demeanor, they would stem from the little pleasures of today. I'm hail from the rare unspoiled-only child breed so it doesn't take a lot to amuse me. That's something I'm really proud of actually because life's a lot easier to get through and much more enjoyable when you can find pleasure in the little things :-) Here were today's joyful little things:
-going to the mall w/ my mommy
-getting lunch, CDs, flip flops, but MOST IMPORTANTLY: a hooded cookie monster towel AND an 8 pack of Keebler cookie flavored lip balm!!!!!! *sidenote* my friend Tim was the one who actually told me about cookie flavored lip balm and I joked with him that I had to find some to wear in prep for my 1st kiss. Yes I'm 22 and still haven't been kissed but you better believe it'll be a tasty one when it happens lol!!!
-uploading pics of those 2 fantabulous purchases to my facebook and having my friends leave comments showing that they appreciate those purchases too-i mean c'mon, who doesn't like cookie related things?!?
-watching the new ABCFamily movie: Beauty & the Briefcase and loving it! It was surprisingly unpredictable and really funny!
-getting a loving Facebook msg from a friend <3
-getting a text from one of my best friends, which gave me something to look fwd to bc she's gonna call me tmrw and tell me all about her night w/ a special someone-can't wait!!!
-hugging & kissing my adorable mommy goodnight
Each of these things are quite tiny, and maybe even meaningless to some. But to me, each of them matter, bring me joy, and served to give me one of the happiest days I've had in a long time. It's a beautiful thing when one has the ability to be happy in the middle of a storm. I often times feel like my life has been a series of storms but in the words of Rose Kennedy, "Birds sing right after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?" With that said, I'm going to continue enjoying being jolly :-)
-going to the mall w/ my mommy
-getting lunch, CDs, flip flops, but MOST IMPORTANTLY: a hooded cookie monster towel AND an 8 pack of Keebler cookie flavored lip balm!!!!!! *sidenote* my friend Tim was the one who actually told me about cookie flavored lip balm and I joked with him that I had to find some to wear in prep for my 1st kiss. Yes I'm 22 and still haven't been kissed but you better believe it'll be a tasty one when it happens lol!!!
-uploading pics of those 2 fantabulous purchases to my facebook and having my friends leave comments showing that they appreciate those purchases too-i mean c'mon, who doesn't like cookie related things?!?
-watching the new ABCFamily movie: Beauty & the Briefcase and loving it! It was surprisingly unpredictable and really funny!
-getting a loving Facebook msg from a friend <3
-getting a text from one of my best friends, which gave me something to look fwd to bc she's gonna call me tmrw and tell me all about her night w/ a special someone-can't wait!!!
-hugging & kissing my adorable mommy goodnight
Each of these things are quite tiny, and maybe even meaningless to some. But to me, each of them matter, bring me joy, and served to give me one of the happiest days I've had in a long time. It's a beautiful thing when one has the ability to be happy in the middle of a storm. I often times feel like my life has been a series of storms but in the words of Rose Kennedy, "Birds sing right after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?" With that said, I'm going to continue enjoying being jolly :-)
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Just call me Yoda
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Bad day gone good :-)
I try to start every day with quiet time-reading the bible and praying. I just think it's a good idea to start your day as calm and centered as possible to be better able to handle whatever comes your way as the day plays out, and quiet time does that for me. And I did that today as usual. What riled me up was getting a phone call from a "debt collector". See I've put that phrase in quotes because after talking it over with my mom, we figured that they were not legit. The thing is, we truly are in debt, and that phone call albeit illegitimate, got me thinking of all the things that are and have been making my and my mom's lives miserable for the past 3 yrs. I lost it, I simply lost it and had myself a good cry. Everyone has their problems and if you're lucky you have some form of support. We don't have that. Too often, I feel like its me, or me and my mom against the world. I'm strong, and I do my best to keep it together, I'm human and today it showed. It felt good to cry...really good. Sometimes you just gotta let it out ya know. As mentioned in my previous blog, I'm trying to lose weight. And the mood I was in today almost made me shut down and mope instead of working out. I was itching to lift weights and go outside for my 2 mi walk but on the other hand I was so down I thought I mayhaps deserved a personal day.
I turned to Facebook while I mulled over what to do and put up this status: sigh..2day's been rough..i'm not a quitter but i completely understand why ppl give up. patient endurance is not for the weak...6 friends including an awesome former teacher/mentor of mine left the sweetest comments in regards to my status telling me how wonderful they think I am. It definitely cheered me up and gave me the strength to go about the rest of my day instead of shutting down. So I lifted weights and did my 2 mi walk. It was grrrrrreat! It was so beautiful out, flowers were in bloom, the shining sun was accompanied by a light breeze, kids were playing soccer with their daddy, kids were playing at the playground, 2 guys were chilaxin in their backyard,a lady was walking her dog, a couple was walking hand in hand while pushing their baby in a stroller, and an older lady, and older man were taking a heart healthy walk just like me! I also realized that there are quite a few Asians living near me lol. I'm SO glad I decided to step outside of my emotions and step outside :-)
I turned to Facebook while I mulled over what to do and put up this status: sigh..2day's been rough..i'm not a quitter but i completely understand why ppl give up. patient endurance is not for the weak...6 friends including an awesome former teacher/mentor of mine left the sweetest comments in regards to my status telling me how wonderful they think I am. It definitely cheered me up and gave me the strength to go about the rest of my day instead of shutting down. So I lifted weights and did my 2 mi walk. It was grrrrrreat! It was so beautiful out, flowers were in bloom, the shining sun was accompanied by a light breeze, kids were playing soccer with their daddy, kids were playing at the playground, 2 guys were chilaxin in their backyard,a lady was walking her dog, a couple was walking hand in hand while pushing their baby in a stroller, and an older lady, and older man were taking a heart healthy walk just like me! I also realized that there are quite a few Asians living near me lol. I'm SO glad I decided to step outside of my emotions and step outside :-)
Monday, April 12, 2010
And my weight loss journey begins!
I am in SUCH a good mood right now!!! Why? Because today i took my first steps towards being a healthier, hotter, and happier me. My good friend Robyn asked me to motivate her to lose some weight before her cousins wedding in 2 months and of course I obliged. But then I realized that I would be quite the hypocrite motivating her to lose weight while sitting on my keester complaining about my own weight! So today I hopped to it! I woke up, had my quiet time with Jesus,strength trained, and took a 35 min walk around the neighborhood-I got a workout AND enjoyed this beautiful spring weather :-) I'm going to do this every weekday and do On Demand dancing work outs on the weekends-I've really missed dancing so I'm pumped! And of course I'm going to eat healthily, drink water like it's my job, stop snacking so late, and get a hold of my insomnia because sleeping properly is a very important part of being healthy. It felt so good to be proactive about a goal that's been haunting me for years. I think I'm really gonna keep it up this time. Why not keep this health and happiness going?!? I can't wait to see the new and improved me!!!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Spring Cleaning is Brutal!!!
Why oh why do I have so many things?!?! in retrospect, this statement may seem as if I'm an ungrateful brat, but hear me out. It's not as if the things I own are beautiful quality things, no no. My room amounts to loads of unnecessary paper such as a notebook from 10th grade geometry, stuffed animals (most useless present ever that girls keep getting stuck w/), free tees and knick knacks from SU and even QOHS, waaaaaay too much jewelry that I can't believe I own yet alone wore back in the day...I think you get the picture.
So why clean now you ask? Well, I've been a successful academic procrastinator since 7th grade and that skill has spilled over a bit into doing minor tasks such as spring cleaning. My half sister that I haven't seen in about 5 yrs is coming to visit me during her spring break on Mon or Tues. Yes, I realize I'm cuttin' it close re: cleaning for her arrival seeing as today is Sat; that's how I roll. You see, I'm fueled by the pressure. Giving me time to do things is sure to result in my lackadaisical attitude towards getting it done because I'll fool myself into thinking "Eh, I've got time...". When I know for a fact that it's crunch time, it forces me to do what I need to do quickly,efficiently, and full out(that's dancer talk for not doing things half way) because there won't be anymore chances to get 'er done. This is why I've been known to write 15 pg research papers the night before and get A's and B's only. Told ya I had skills ;-)
However, I DO NOT recommend being a procrastinator if you can't handle the pressure; it's not for the faint of heart. Even a seasoned veteran like me felt the heat tonight, hence this blogging break. Another thing getting me through this dreaded purging process is knowing that my unwanted clothes will go to the needy. I also roll generously :-) With that said, it's back to work for me! Until next time...
So why clean now you ask? Well, I've been a successful academic procrastinator since 7th grade and that skill has spilled over a bit into doing minor tasks such as spring cleaning. My half sister that I haven't seen in about 5 yrs is coming to visit me during her spring break on Mon or Tues. Yes, I realize I'm cuttin' it close re: cleaning for her arrival seeing as today is Sat; that's how I roll. You see, I'm fueled by the pressure. Giving me time to do things is sure to result in my lackadaisical attitude towards getting it done because I'll fool myself into thinking "Eh, I've got time...". When I know for a fact that it's crunch time, it forces me to do what I need to do quickly,efficiently, and full out(that's dancer talk for not doing things half way) because there won't be anymore chances to get 'er done. This is why I've been known to write 15 pg research papers the night before and get A's and B's only. Told ya I had skills ;-)
However, I DO NOT recommend being a procrastinator if you can't handle the pressure; it's not for the faint of heart. Even a seasoned veteran like me felt the heat tonight, hence this blogging break. Another thing getting me through this dreaded purging process is knowing that my unwanted clothes will go to the needy. I also roll generously :-) With that said, it's back to work for me! Until next time...
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Music is the best muse
Today I checked my YouTube subscriptions and found a treat waiting for me...the official music video for 'My Heart is Yours' by my favorite artist Justin Nozuka!!! It's the first single off of his soon to be released album 'You, I, wind, Land, and Sea' and naturally, I love it. There's a lot of music out there these days that shouldn't even be considered music due to its lack of substance, and abundance in ridiculous lyrics. Exhibit A: Ke$ha's 'Tik Tok'. See video below for a hilarious elaboration on the matter:
and back to our discussion of quality music...
Justin Nozuka's songs are what I like to call audible beauties, that have the power to evoke so much emotion within me. When I watched the official video for the aforementioned 'My Heart is Yours', I was inspired to write this poem. I had the itch to write a poem for awhile now but didn't know exactly what I wanted to write about so I'm glad Justin's song took care of that :) Below is the music video and the poem that the song inspired. Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poem: Sweetly Singing
Dancing along the shore
Making footprints in the sand
There's boundless energy
Coming from the sea
And the union of our hands
Staring in amazement
At the beauty of the sky
As you lay next to me
I'm happy as can be
Deep love rings true in our eyes
The sun is beating down
Bringing warmth upon our skin
It mingles with the breeze
Puts my mind at ease
May this moment never end
Because my heart is sweetly singing
And there's no better feeling...<3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And as a bonus, here's Justin performing it live. It's not often that one finds an artist whose live performances are just as good, if not better than the radio edits. And this doesn't even begin to do his live performances justice so feel free to check out other videos of his live performances. Your ears will thank you ;-)
and back to our discussion of quality music...
Justin Nozuka's songs are what I like to call audible beauties, that have the power to evoke so much emotion within me. When I watched the official video for the aforementioned 'My Heart is Yours', I was inspired to write this poem. I had the itch to write a poem for awhile now but didn't know exactly what I wanted to write about so I'm glad Justin's song took care of that :) Below is the music video and the poem that the song inspired. Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poem: Sweetly Singing
Dancing along the shore
Making footprints in the sand
There's boundless energy
Coming from the sea
And the union of our hands
Staring in amazement
At the beauty of the sky
As you lay next to me
I'm happy as can be
Deep love rings true in our eyes
The sun is beating down
Bringing warmth upon our skin
It mingles with the breeze
Puts my mind at ease
May this moment never end
Because my heart is sweetly singing
And there's no better feeling...<3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And as a bonus, here's Justin performing it live. It's not often that one finds an artist whose live performances are just as good, if not better than the radio edits. And this doesn't even begin to do his live performances justice so feel free to check out other videos of his live performances. Your ears will thank you ;-)
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Headlines Reactions
The Ellen DeGeneres show time slot has now been moved from 2pm to 3pm, making it more likely that I will take a gander at NBC news at 4pm. Todays headlines had me saying everything from "really?" to "yaay!".
1) D.C. has legalized gay marriage: This may surprise some people who know about my love for Jesus but I am happy about it. I am all about unconditional love and there have been wonderful people in my life that are gay. I am happy that they have this victory. They deserve to be able to reap the benefits that come from legalized marriage, and legally celebrate their love for their partners <3
2) The Georgetown Cuddler: Apparently there's a man that's breaking into homes to cuddle with women....it's sad that a guy would have to go through such great lengths just to get a cuddle in! At the same time, I'm glad he's not doing something worse to the women! Mayhaps this is a sign that our society should be a little more affectionate towards our loved ones?
3) Possible Alcohol Tax Increase in MD: Maryland may increase the tax on alcohol by 10 cents to reduce alcohol abuse and fund treatment for alcohol related health problems. I highly doubt that this will reduce alcohol abuse but this is an area of society that college students will truly be able to contribute to lol.
4)Warm Wkend Weather: This is pretty much self explanatory. After the never ending snow storms and the fact that the snow STILL hasn't melted, this is much welcome news. Enjoy the outdoors this wkend!!!
Until next time...
Saturday, February 27, 2010
"I am le tired"
It's only Saturday and I'm already spent. The good news is that I'm spent because Friday and earlier parts of today were wonderful.
First I hung out with Lyss. I haven't seen her in about a year and we were really good friends in college so it was nice to see her again. We caught up over lunch and went to see the movie Dear John. Despite all the hype about how sad that movie is, I did not shed one tear, and I can't figure out why anybody shed tears over it really. The fact that it was a Nicholas Sparks movie, it could've been a heck of a lot more sad. But I loved it. It was nice to have a movie with the semblance of a happy ending for once...I say "a semblance of" because the ending kinda leave you hanging so there's no certainty that everything actually ended happily. But hey, I'll take it. And Channing Tatum is my ideal man so of course I love that he was the leading man :-D Moving on...
It's always a good time when Ash has a party. Old friends, new friends, potatoes, infamous chili, ice cream, white zinfie, wii bowling, boxing & tennis, collectively reminiscing about SU days, coincidental purple outfits, picture taking, compliments on my latest hairdo...yup, a good time was had by all. Towards the end of the night a few ppl opted to go bowling but Robs opted out, and since I was sleeping over her place last night that meant I was opting out as well. I kinda wanted to go because I've never been bowling. I know, I know, it's shameful. There's a lot of things/places I haven't experienced that shocks ppl but all in due time I suppose.
The sleepover at Robs was fun and chill. It's nice to have those one on one moments with your good friends and just relax. The car ride home was fun too-ya can't go wrong singing Paramore songs at the top of your lungs lol.
But there was one kink in the festivities...my appearance. Here I was thinking that I looked cute-face on, hair curled, new clothing items. Sadly, the pictures I took with my friends at Ash's party did not reflect how I felt. Deep down I knew they wouldn't. I looked like a whale, a smurf like whale since I decided to wear a blue shirt! I try not to let my self-consciousness re: my body image shine through by detagging my Facebook photos but today I failed in that mission. I couldn't bare to keep myself tagged in such hideous photos. Even my hair wasn't up to par! I don't know what happened but my curls did not hold up like they usually do. I'll chalk it up to excessive wind and a hairspray fail. Seriously, I looked so bad. Sweet Robs tried to convince me otherwise but it didn't work. I haven't even been eating badly AND I've been drinking water...WATER! That emphasis is due to the fact that I hate water, but I'm forcing myself to drink it because I know it's the healthy and smart thing to do. Yet, my efforts aren't showing good results. It's great to be healthy on the inside blah blah blah but I want to be beautiful on the outside too dangit!! I guess I need to step up my work outs and really get a hold on my insomnia as well. I learned at the party that 3 of my friends are doing weight watchers but I just want my weight loss to be the result of a lifestyle change ya know, that way I can keep it off for good and not be subject to the numerous weight loss programs that are virtually impossible keep up with for the rest of one's life. I love my personality and thus I love myself half heartedly. I want to be able to look in the mirror, or look at pictures of myself and be happy and proud of the way I look. I just have to keep trying. Until next time...
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Oh Happy Day :-)
Hello loves,
Those that know me best know that it doesn't take a lot to make me happy. I think that in the world we live in, that's a great quality to have! So what has me jumpin' for joy today you ask?
1) My mom is buying me a new laptop & it'll be here 6 days
2) My good friend Alyssa that I haven't seen in almost a year is coming to visit next week
3) My fave network television shows come on tonight: Bones, The Office, Private Practice, Chelsea Lately, Burn Notice, Important things with Demetri Martin, and Ace of Cakes. I realize that this outs me as a t.v. junkie and I'm o.k. with that-it's not my fault so many awesome shows exist!!!
#3 makes every Thurs awesome as I am one that's easily amused, but #1 and #2 put today in the 'awesome' category and put my mood in the 'happy-go-lucky'; and 'I'm so excited & I just can't hide it' categories. Imagine what I'll do when my laptop, and Alyssa actually arrive lol!
Oh & I just found out that Burger King has a cupcake shake. I'm a McDonald's girl and I've only been to BK once-as a child-and it was in New York, not Maryland. But I definitely want to try that shake!
Hope your Thursday has been a happy one :-) Until next time...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Great Thaw; Shaun White; Loss; Lent.
So we're finally experiencing the great thaw of all the snow brought by the snowpocalypse, snowmageddon, or for you nontheatrical types-the blizzard of 2010. No more power outages, covered cars, cabin fever, or snow days. I would add no more plowing to that list but it has come to my attention that some crazy ppl decided not to dig their cars out of the snow and thus their cars are still in need of being plowed out. Not a smart move on their part...
The winter olympics are here!!! It does cut into my usual t.v. sched but but I love me some Shaun White, Louie Vito, Apolo Ohno, & J.R. Celski so I'll deal. My boys did an ah-mazing job-Shaun won his 2nd gold medal tonight!!! His coach said that if he won double gold, they'd get matching tattoos, wonder what they're going to get...and where??? It was great for me to have a reason to be pumped tonight, especially considering the phone call I had to make moments before...
Recently someone that claimed to be one of my best friends has been acting pretty shady. He's basically been ignoring my existence and that is very uncharacteristic of him, and of best friend behavior. But ya see, I'm a person that has been disappointed/treated wrongly by friends & family alike since childhood so as happy as I may seem w/ certain ppl, the possibility of them treating me wrong is never far from the front of my mind. And once again, it has come to fruition. Since he refuses to talk to me, I left him a voice mail ending the friendship. I have more than enough to deal with; I refuse to chase after someone who is showing that they don't care about me. I love myself to much to deal with that. On to the next!
Lent. Honestly, if it weren't for Facebook I wouldn't have even realized that it was starting. It's just not something I gre up participating in. And I love how it's the people who never lead a true Christian life any other time of year that are participating. It's supposed to be a period of self reflection and sacrifice because Jesus died for us but honey I sacrifice, self-reflect, and have quiet time with Jesus every freakin day. Forgive me for not believing that giving up Facebook or chocolate is going to intensify that. Instead of doing away with something for the Lenten season, I would rather do the opposite and add something to my life to show my appreciation and love for Jesus-something that would make him smile i.e. reaching out to those in need whether that means helping those in Haiti, or the homeless, or boys & girls clubs. Or, it could be as simple as making more of an effort to treat your body like the temple that it is instead of being counted as one of the obese masses of America. And what's even better is that spending 40 days doing these wonderful things will most likely make them routine in your life-how wonderful would it be to know that you are routinely doing things that would please Him. That is not to say that being in God's favor stems from doing good works-definitely not. It's equally important if not more so to cultivate a Godly state of mind & heart, and doing some good in this world should be a natural progression of those states.
Those are all my thought bubbles for now. Until next time...
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
American Idol-Misguided Talent Hopefuls
Tonight's episode featured a young lady whose voice was quite a hot mess. Then why would she audition, right? Two words: mom's vision. Yes her mother claimed that when she was pregnant with her little bundle of joy, the Lord gave her a vision of a little girl on her hip that was singing. But the question is, was the little girl singing well??? Because let me tell ya, the voice that came out of her daughter on tonight's episode was atrocious!!! The mother stated that she's been telling her daughter that she will be a singer one day, ever since she was old enough to comprehend what that meant. Shame on her! Parents, do not encourage, no, flat out LIE to your kids about their chances of making it in a certain industry-especially if those lies could lead them to making a complete fool of themselves on national t.v. Tsk, tsk, tsk. This just goes to show you the power of desire and delusion. The mother wanted her baby to be a singer so badly, that she ignored her sense of hearing. And her daughter was apparently lied to to the point that she herself believed she could sing...FALSE! Or mayhaps (yes, I like to combine maybe and perhaps), they are both honest to goodness tone deaf. I hope this public humiliation has made them see the light, shining on a big sign that say "save our ears, you can't sing". I don't mean to be mean but geez, are these people serious? Well, I suppose I should be thankful because it makes auditions that much more interesting. American Idol, keep the good, the bad, the crazies, and the deluded comin'!!!
Friday, January 1, 2010
2010? Yes Please.
2009 has been...
here's hopin' for better in 2010!!
Time to reflect.
2009 was sucktastic...
Family-more likely to gossip about me than reach out and help me or keep in touch with me at the very least. Nothing new here EXCEPT the new situation with my father... I met him when I was 6 yrs old. I am his oldest of 8 children (that I know of), but I'm pretty sure I am the only one he chooses to ignore the existence of. I stopped trying to figure out why that is, and feeling bad about it a long time ago. Oh, and let's not forget there are 4 moms between his kids, my mom being the only one smart enough not to carry another one of his children-yaay mom! Anywho, I can't remember the last time I spoke to him, but guess who texted me this Christmas...yup, dear old dad. The text expressed his simple desire to wish me a merry Christmas, and that he would talk to me later. I didn't know what to say bck so I did not respond. I guess this story is to be continued...
Friends-our chosen family. The fact that we choose our friends just adds insult to injury when my friendships go awry. And it's just my luck that the friends I lose, are the ones I love the most, and truly think will be around for all of my days. 2009 was no exception. The loss of one friend in particular really stung...well, still stings as much as I hate to admit it. For someone who refused to lose my friendship, they sure had a funny way of fighting for it-not talking to me in any way, shape, or form for 7 months. He's a douche, and yet I still wonder how he is at times. Curse my cares...
School-1 class left. Won't be taken until money is available to pay off backpay and future tuition. And I'll have you know that this is the school's fault but they're playing dumb. Ain't higher education grand?!
All of these categories have been my sources of stress for the past 3 yrs. The result has been insomnia and its worsening, emotional eating, loneliness due to a lack of faith in humanity's ability to be kind to me, and overall unhappiness and longing for more than this. I'm ready for something new, something good, happiness.
2009 has been
i deserve to smile
if only once in awhile
in 2010.
here's hopin'...
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