Oh Happy Day :-)

Hello loves,

Those that know me best know that it doesn't take a lot to make me happy. I think that in the world we live in, that's a great quality to have! So what has me jumpin' for joy today you ask?

1) My mom is buying me a new laptop & it'll be here 6 days

2) My good friend Alyssa that I haven't seen in almost a year is coming to visit next week

3) My fave network television shows come on tonight: Bones, The Office, Private Practice, Chelsea Lately, Burn Notice, Important things with Demetri Martin, and Ace of Cakes. I realize that this outs me as a t.v. junkie and I'm o.k. with that-it's not my fault so many awesome shows exist!!!

#3 makes every Thurs awesome as I am one that's easily amused, but #1 and #2 put today in the 'awesome' category and put my mood in the 'happy-go-lucky'; and 'I'm so excited & I just can't hide it' categories. Imagine what I'll do when my laptop, and Alyssa actually arrive lol!

Oh & I just found out that Burger King has a cupcake shake. I'm a McDonald's girl and I've only been to BK once-as a child-and it was in New York, not Maryland. But I definitely want to try that shake!

Hope your Thursday has been a happy one :-) Until next time...

The Great Thaw; Shaun White; Loss; Lent.

So we're finally experiencing the great thaw of all the snow brought by the snowpocalypse, snowmageddon, or for you nontheatrical types-the blizzard of 2010. No more power outages, covered cars, cabin fever, or snow days. I would add no more plowing to that list but it has come to my attention that some crazy ppl decided not to dig their cars out of the snow and thus their cars are still in need of being plowed out. Not a smart move on their part...

The winter olympics are here!!! It does cut into my usual t.v. sched but but I love me some Shaun White, Louie Vito, Apolo Ohno, & J.R. Celski so I'll deal. My boys did an ah-mazing job-Shaun won his 2nd gold medal tonight!!! His coach said that if he won double gold, they'd get matching tattoos, wonder what they're going to get...and where??? It was great for me to have a reason to be pumped tonight, especially considering the phone call I had to make moments before...

Recently someone that claimed to be one of my best friends has been acting pretty shady. He's basically been ignoring my existence and that is very uncharacteristic of him, and of best friend behavior. But ya see, I'm a person that has been disappointed/treated wrongly by friends & family alike since childhood so as happy as I may seem w/ certain ppl, the possibility of them treating me wrong is never far from the front of my mind. And once again, it has come to fruition. Since he refuses to talk to me, I left him a voice mail ending the friendship. I have more than enough to deal with; I refuse to chase after someone who is showing that they don't care about me. I love myself to much to deal with that. On to the next!

Lent. Honestly, if it weren't for Facebook I wouldn't have even realized that it was starting. It's just not something I gre up participating in. And I love how it's the people who never lead a true Christian life any other time of year that are participating. It's supposed to be a period of self reflection and sacrifice because Jesus died for us but honey I sacrifice, self-reflect, and have quiet time with Jesus every freakin day. Forgive me for not believing that giving up Facebook or chocolate is going to intensify that. Instead of doing away with something for the Lenten season, I would rather do the opposite and add something to my life to show my appreciation and love for Jesus-something that would make him smile i.e. reaching out to those in need whether that means helping those in Haiti, or the homeless, or boys & girls clubs. Or, it could be as simple as making more of an effort to treat your body like the temple that it is instead of being counted as one of the obese masses of America. And what's even better is that spending 40 days doing these wonderful things will most likely make them routine in your life-how wonderful would it be to know that you are routinely doing things that would please Him. That is not to say that being in God's favor stems from doing good works-definitely not. It's equally important if not more so to cultivate a Godly state of mind & heart, and doing some good in this world should be a natural progression of those states.

Those are all my thought bubbles for now. Until next time...

American Idol-Misguided Talent Hopefuls

Tonight's episode featured a young lady whose voice was quite a hot mess. Then why would she audition, right? Two words: mom's vision. Yes her mother claimed that when she was pregnant with her little bundle of joy, the Lord gave her a vision of a little girl on her hip that was singing. But the question is, was the little girl singing well??? Because let me tell ya, the voice that came out of her daughter on tonight's episode was atrocious!!! The mother stated that she's been telling her daughter that she will be a singer one day, ever since she was old enough to comprehend what that meant. Shame on her! Parents, do not encourage, no, flat out LIE to your kids about their chances of making it in a certain industry-especially if those lies could lead them to making a complete fool of themselves on national t.v. Tsk, tsk, tsk. This just goes to show you the power of desire and delusion. The mother wanted her baby to be a singer so badly, that she ignored her sense of hearing. And her daughter was apparently lied to to the point that she herself believed she could sing...FALSE! Or mayhaps (yes, I like to combine maybe and perhaps), they are both honest to goodness tone deaf. I hope this public humiliation has made them see the light, shining on a big sign that say "save our ears, you can't sing". I don't mean to be mean but geez, are these people serious? Well, I suppose I should be thankful because it makes auditions that much more interesting. American Idol, keep the good, the bad, the crazies, and the deluded comin'!!!

2010? Yes Please.

2009 has been...

here's hopin' for better in 2010!!

Time to reflect.

2009 was sucktastic...

Family-more likely to gossip about me than reach out and help me or keep in touch with me at the very least. Nothing new here EXCEPT the new situation with my father... I met him when I was 6 yrs old. I am his oldest of 8 children (that I know of), but I'm pretty sure I am the only one he chooses to ignore the existence of. I stopped trying to figure out why that is, and feeling bad about it a long time ago. Oh, and let's not forget there are 4 moms between his kids, my mom being the only one smart enough not to carry another one of his children-yaay mom! Anywho, I can't remember the last time I spoke to him, but guess who texted me this Christmas...yup, dear old dad. The text expressed his simple desire to wish me a merry Christmas, and that he would talk to me later. I didn't know what to say bck so I did not respond. I guess this story is to be continued...

Friends-our chosen family. The fact that we choose our friends just adds insult to injury when my friendships go awry. And it's just my luck that the friends I lose, are the ones I love the most, and truly think will be around for all of my days. 2009 was no exception. The loss of one friend in particular really stung...well, still stings as much as I hate to admit it. For someone who refused to lose my friendship, they sure had a funny way of fighting for it-not talking to me in any way, shape, or form for 7 months. He's a douche, and yet I still wonder how he is at times. Curse my cares...

School-1 class left. Won't be taken until money is available to pay off backpay and future tuition. And I'll have you know that this is the school's fault but they're playing dumb. Ain't higher education grand?!

All of these categories have been my sources of stress for the past 3 yrs. The result has been insomnia and its worsening, emotional eating, loneliness due to a lack of faith in humanity's ability to be kind to me, and overall unhappiness and longing for more than this. I'm ready for something new, something good, happiness.

2009 has been

i deserve to smile

if only once in awhile

in 2010.

here's hopin'...

Dance of Despondence

t'is the season for giving

it's the most wonderful time of the year

but we've been taken from yet again

t'is the season of my life i fear

if t'is true we're not given anything we can't handle

then think weakness of me i pray

for i'm tired of this cycle of suffering

i can't keep going on this way

they say i'm an eternal optimist

ah, if they only knew the truth

beneath this jovial mask lies a frown

these woes corrode my youth

oh how i wish that mask were my reality

i tire of carrying this brood

but happiness seems to evade me

as my life story alludes

time is not promised to us

it may not heal all

but in the time i do have

i hope to find this isn't all...

New Poem: 'Pere'

I say 'new poem' as if I've been posting poems on this blog. I've been writing poems for a while now and in the past I've posted them on my xanga, and as facebook notes. Now that I have this blog, I thought I'd post any poems I write on here as well-not that anyone reads this blog. It comforts me just to know my poetic works are eternalized somewhere. Anywho, here goes...

~Pere~

I wish I could sever the line of blood that keeps us eternally linked

What good is a link without a connection

I hate this hold that you have on me, may always have on me

You don't deserve it

Absence.

That's all I've received from you

Yet you're ever present in my heart and mind

You've affected me

Made me stronger yet weakened me

You've influenced me

Who I was, am, and want to be...what I want from life

I want out.

Out of this emotional misery that resides within

I want o be present for my loved ones, my kin

You'll never know just how much you hurt me

Nor do I think you'd care

Yet you're the one I feel sorry for

You threw a blessing on the cutting room floor

You can never make up for what you've missed

The damage is done

But this is an ongoing battle and I look forward to saying I've won.

Holiday Guilt

Christmas...some say it's the most wonderful time of the year. That's not the case for everyone. don't get me wrong, i love Christmas-decorations, hot chocolate, happy children, Christmas movies galore, Christmas music-these things warm my heart. Yet like many other holidays, presents have become an integral part of Christmas. I love the feeling of giving and seeing the joy it brings to its recipients, but presents are hard to come by when you're in a financial bind. 09 has been a very tough year for me, arguably the hardest year of my life. I don't have the finances to give the way I'd like to. I could get away with going the home made route but that is very time consuming, and funds are still necessary to get the supplies needed to create home made presents. This wouldn't be a problem if I was antisocial but alas, I am a social butterfly. My friends have been contacting me left and right to get my address so I know I'm getting presents and at the very least, cards. hate knowing that I'm going to receive presents when I won't be able to return the favor. And I don't care about giving anything to my family because we're not close-my mom is the only one I really care to give to during the holidays. Sigh...I just feel guilty not being able to give to my friends like I would if I had funds, but that's the way Santa's cookies crumbled. I haven't had a truly happy holiday season in years; i can't wait to have this spell broken...